blue of health

gusi bengkak sbb gigi bongsu nk tumbuh
obiously akan ade sakit gigi jugak kan
smpai tak leh nk bukak mulut
nak ckp pon x de mood

pastu semlm tekak dh start rase scratchy2
tanda2 awal nak demam
temperature pon mcm ade sikit
hidung bocor tak yah cakap la
semalam je dah 1/2 kotak kot tisu tu msk tong sampah

tambah pulak dengan sakit kat tempat cucuk H1N1 vaccine
baru je hilang yg sakit cucuk flu vaccine last week

tp gigih kan jugak g skolah
wlpon dean dh berulang kali ckp kalu ade flulike illness duk umah senyap2 seminggu
free2 dpt cuti seminggu
tp bile tgk kriteria mcm tak layak je
no cough and temperature tak tinggi sgt

sabtu ni nk oncall
kalu tak pegi nnt kna extend lg 440 tu
so confuse now, should i go school or just stay home?

dinner dash

been having this craving for clams for some time
manage to get my hands on them yesterday during grocery shopping
just a quick cook, a very simple dish

wat u need
-clams, any type should do. I used Manila clams as it's the only one available here
-onions
-bird-eye chili
-lemongrass *ketuk2 sikit*
-salt n sugar for taste

how to
-sautee onion and bird-eye chili
-throw in the lemongrass, clams and pour in the water for the soup
-salt n sugar to taste, u can also sprinkle in some coriander if u like
-simmer till all the clams open up
-serve n njoy!

pergh, hisap kepah n hirup kuah dia panas2 sentap ok!
teringat time kecik2 dulu slalu g pantai, kutip remis
pastu blk goreng kicap, mkn smpai pecah bibir
good memories :D

fast and furious

drove a brand new Nissan Sentra today *high*

by brand new, i mean really brand new
like year 2010 punye model and only 700km on the odometer

ergh, tis gonna make buying a second hand car for clerkship so hard
like du'uh!

the week it was

not so quick recap of the one hell of a week

freaking early start of the week. 730 and there I was, in scrubs n rolling patient into OR at Foothills, on Monday morning! worked til 1230, grab a slice of vege pizza from the cafeteria and headed to group discussion on labour and delivery.after that, decided that brain already exhausted and went home instead of rolling into lectures

Tuesday is clinical informatics exam, a 15 mins exam seeing how well you do searches for relevant articles for clinical question. Yeah, I heard ya...FTW eh? and so funny they have to sent us 5 emails reminding that we have to sit for the exam haha nmpak sgt student tak amek port pon subject ni

got my flu shot on Wednesday. FYI, saya takut jarum but yet, I'm on my way becoming the one doing the jabbing n more haha then got discussion on professionalism, blergh I know...see all the extra work they put us thru med school? to think we only have to focus on learning the body parts n how it works n the diseases haha high hopes for u med keeners :p

other than the usual lectures and one group discussion session, Thursday pretty ok. Physical exam session got canceled so went for neuro exam review. soalan no 1 dh salah hahaha but in my defense, mmg i can't make head or tail of the picture for the question even after 10 times seeing it...anyway, kira2 markah n praying hard that passing mark won't be that hard or I'm screwed! Then went to practice breast exam, speculum exam and bimanual exam for next day Well Woman session, of course the practice on models first before you get the real patient to practice on...got home n check the email n the result for neuro exam already in inbox *dup dap* I passed! by 2 marks! who cares! I freaking passed!!! wohooot!

Friday's group discussion a bit out of box, just sit back n watch one of us do history and exam on emergency case in obstetrics. Decide to hang around til Well Woman session on 1pm. So the Well Woman is a learning experience where they have volunteers coming in n you get to practice ur skills in taking sexual history and then performed gynae exam. The history part is where you get to ask personal, sensitive question about their sex life and yada yada. Then the examination part where you do breast exam and pelvic exam. Yes, you get to 'massage' the breast n put your hands into their vajajay n said its all for learning purpose, med school do have it perks. And yes, we have the same teaching session for man called Well Man in 1st year. For the man you get to exam their penis n stuck ur fingers up the anus. Still think medicine is a glamorous work?

the week felt super long that when the session finished I was so relieved that it's finally weekend! parrrrtayyyyyyy timeeeeee peepsssssss!

sweet love

to the world, you maybe one person
but to one person, you maybe the world

dark, dark place

you know u're in dark place of mind
when u find yourself in constant need to get away from everything
you take refuge in unlikely places
anywhere else but cold and hostile home
you know running away won't fix the problem
but it feels so damn good to escape
even if it's only temporary

and it really doesn't matter what ur escape be
just as long as for a moment in time, u're not breathing in the reality
then u came home n all alone
n it all sinked in
then u know u just hit rock bottom
n the worst part?
u have no idea how to crawl out of the pit

oh how i have been escaping too much lately

good slurpies, bad slushies

it's been snowing for 2 days straight here in C town
yeap, snow in Oct, bliss NOT!
looks like the snow gonna be around til April or god forbid, May!

anyhow, it's warming up today with high of 5C n forecast of above 10C for the weekend
the only thing worse than snowfall in October is when it alternates with periods of warm weather
the snow gonna melt n mushies n slushies
dark, dirty slushies that gonna turn my pure white sneakers into dirt infested unrecognizable pair of feet coverings
waaaaaaa!!!!
then it gonna refroze n become the fames black ice
oh lord save the bum pleaseeeeeeeeee

time to shop for a new darker coloured sneakers perhaps?
or maybe a new boots with better grips on ice?
hihihihihi

did u sold your soul to the devil?

I would say yes

quiet nite

oncall again tonite, 6pm til 11pm
tis time for ObsGyn anesthesia

a really dead quiet nite
spend most of the time reading n teaching with the preceptor
saw one epidural n dats bout it
the hubby was so supportive, keep telling the wifey she's doing great
kalu kat msia mampus, husband yg terketar2 lutut mintak tunggu kat luar
pastu ckp besar nk anak reramai
beranak sndrik boley?!
and the epidural helps with the pain
or else i think some verbal hurling is in order
hahaha

still snowing outside
even the babies have a good sense n stay in, not wanting to come out
wonder where all the wisdom go when u get older?

be grateful

this Thanksgiving I gave thanks that I have you in my life now
*loves*

swipe away

say hello to future source of Dalilah's bank account bleeding to death
just activated my Visa
how on earth did they preapproved me for a CAD7500 limit?
I have to fight tooth n nail for my Mastercard limit of CAD1000
n why oh why did I said yes to it?

ok, it is so gonna be my strictly EMERGENCY ONLY card
hahaha as if!
die la~ die la~ die la~ die la~

olfactory orgasm

ok, so I'm a perfume whore
I have bottles of perfume and am using it all at once n am itching to get a couple more
oh so membazir i know but mcm dh buhsan ngn current perfume
pdhal tak smpai separuh botol je yg tgh guna sekarang neh

anyway, apart from perfume for self
I also have a thing for homme line ups
like right now, I am sniffing of Calvin Klein Euphoria for Men
terus turned on n hilang stress okeh
ngahahahahahaha

so I like my men to smell pleasant, nothing wrong kan?
*note: pleasant, not like botol perfume pecah ok?!*
and i like them to do a bit of manscaping as well
not fair wat, u want us to look pretty n smell nice tp anda itu?
plus, no harm in being a bit metrosexual

funny to think in animal kingdom
the male species are the one with colours and pretty pattern and the female are the blergh ones
and why do u think birds spend so much time grooming their feathers?
or the peacock showing off their pretty tails?
in human kingdom terbalik pulak yer?

ok, enuf crapping for the day
side effects of studying the brain makes u go cuckoo

back to sniffing
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*koya*

monday morning blues

ROTFLMAO!!
do watch till da end
sindir baik punya!!!

i'm like a bird

they said
if you love someone, set them free
if they come back, you're meant to be together

but
will you still be waiting when they come back?
will you still be there?

bliss

33C in fall?
hello global warming!

flip flop+tank top+hot pants at the end of Sept?
priceless
sipping ice capp n ogling shirtless guys?
double awesomeness

just hope tis doesn't mean later n prolonged winter
hate it when it's May n snow still around
blerghhhhhh

for day like today

am so not in mood for school anymore
must be the looming Eid celebration tis weekend

missed the sahur today
a week break is so not good for the rhythm established

skipped the morning class and cooked the peanut sauce to go with the satay and nasi himpit for the last iftar get together at Yasemin's place tomorrow

forced self to show up early for the core session an Dr White's enthusiastic compliment on my super punctuality help ease the boredom with med school stuffs
saw 2 patients, one with proximal weakness the other with distal weakness and muscle atrophy
as always, clueless like Alicia Silverstone for i haven't study much for this course
so very da suicidal la Dalilah oi!
went to fetch the car for the weekend
yup, am renting again tis week
told ya i'm addicted to driving
last week was Toyota Yaris Sedan, tis week is the cute Suzuki SX4
me likeyyyyyyyy~
went to do groceries for the Eid cookings
break the fast at Marrybrown
only reached home at 10pm -amboi, ade kete trus panjang langkah naaa- and just finished marinating the chicken breast for the satay
tomorrow gonna be the cooking day
dun u just love being the domestic goddess?

on your toes

"....because the snap judgments, the ones that comes to us quickly and easily without hesitation, they're the one that haunts us forever " Meredith Grey, Sympathy for the Devil

i must be the most indecisive being to ever walk on earth
i can't say ay or nay on the spot without taking a good chunk of time
i can say goodbye to emergency department no doubt

it's hard to choose which path to follow
and being me, when most of the times i have no idea what i want
not making it any easier
yup, most times, i have no clue wat i want
but most of the time when i didn't know, i know wat i dun want
good thing maybe?
bad thing probably?

thing is nothing in this world without sequel
u can't made a decision today out of whim n not care if it gonna come back bite you hard in the ass the next day or the day after or ever
but it does feel good to do exactly just dat
a bold, consequences be damn choice
right there and right then
we'll worry about tomorow as it comes =)

que sera sera

when i was young, my teachers ask me wat i want to be when i grow up
wholeheartedly i answered
I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR!

so i bust my ass off in school and got into med school
5 yrs into it and still have 2 more years to go
-mind you i'm still doing my undergrad medicine-

nowadays, my preceptors ask me what kind of doctors i wanna be
i just smile and said
I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET
while in my heart, i answered
I TRULY WISH TO BE A FULL TIME HOUSEWIFE
haha dun play2, housewife with MD tu, ko ado?

is it to early to give up on life?

forever young

met my geriatric patient today
67 yrs old lady, somewat vague and confused at times
but her stories are disheartening
she's a bit wobbly on her feet from the car accident in the 90's
the long list of meds she's on for her many health problems
aging is catching up, memory seems to fail her sometimes
the long grieve for the husband demise years ago hasn't abate a bit
pictures of her families adorned the walls of her trailer home but none of it represent her relationship with them
she lives with her son who's away most of the time because of his job
her 2 dogs she regarded as her own children who seems to take extra interest on me n keep coming close to sniff up so i give a pat or two
i dun really mind them as long as they dun slobbers on me, so leceh to samak afterwards
the house reeks of dog's smell
no surprise to see dog foods n chew toys on the floors
undoubtedly she's depressed even if smiles plastered on the wrinkled face of her
but she's one damn proud woman, won't let us help her to her feet even if her struggle very apparent

after the visit, i paused and acknowledge the simplest truth
life is hard, just have to make best with wat u have at the moment
the way she did

this is one of the little price we will have to pay for being a developed country
the westerners have long struggle with it
they even tell themselves it's ok to be selfish and said i can't do it anymore
dat it's ok to quit to be the caregiver for their elders
kinda reminded of the fact how a mother can take care of her many children but a child not necessarily can take care of his/her one mother
the elders are a growing population
they are not without skills or knowledge or contributions but nature is winning against them, not dat they can help it
although my heart goes for them but i honestly dun think i can do geriatrics
for it reminds me the fragility of life and to think my parents are heading down the same road
just can't bear the thought

yes, you are

me: so u want to be my hero?
him: am i not already your hero?

*LOVES*

time will heal all wounds, eh?

here's a thing
wounds never heal completely
scars will take on its place
once the damage is done, it's a done deal
nothing u can do to make it as before again

time lessen the pain
n slowly we all learn to live with the scars
we walked the earth as damaged goods
we will nvr be new n shiny again
we are all chipped and cracked
but we are always whole

there are things u can do to make it right
so tell me wat do i do now?

honk if you see this

Dalilah is back on the road! *high*
oh well, at least for the weekend

O.M.G gelabi ok drive on right side of road
asek nk tertukar lane jer
hard to put the car in the center of the lane when driver seat on the left
n u get so used to the gear n wat not on the right when u reach for it, u actually reaching for the door handles haha
plus kete tu signal n wiper switch side...nk bg signal terbukak wiper *slaps forehead*
oh well, practice makes perfect eh?
n dun let me get started on the lights n pedestrian n the 60km/hr speed limit

despite all these, i manage to safely drive the girls and guys from point A to point B
Downtown, highway, CrossIron Mills, Superstore ntah mane lg aku redah

I love driving even if i'm not an excellent driver
it offers some sort of escapism, just like writing

I am so getting a car for final year here even if daddy somewat against it
now need to get the license first *excited*

trouble in lala land

so not in good place rite now

the past still bugging you n potentially screwing with ur future
i thought i am done with the old one
i said goodbyeS, i walked away *again n again*
am currently starting to be happy with the new presence
finally after yrs, opening up again to the possibility of i might have a chance at something real
but u just had to sabotage ur own happiness isn't?
great going, self!

on top of dat family fails to understands you *again*
i know u mean well daddy
n i do consider ur points too
but how do i learn from mistakes n triumphs if u didn't let me have any of it?

at least school puts a few smiles on the face
and a whole loads of pressure in form of decision making and yeah, studying for exams

am waiting for it to pass
with fingers crossed dat things will work out, someway or another
keeping it positive :s

a comeback?

tis would be my 9478586831274th attempt to write a proper comeback post
I figured after more than 6 months *really? like seriusly? S-I-X?!* of absence I should probably write a decent piece on maybe why I took the sabbatical or at least wat have been happening in that long MIA period of time but heck, words elusively escape me
drafs after drafs
on papers, ipod, laptop, u name it
but somehow couldn't pen down the right stuff to say
maybe there too much stuffs to say I dun even know where to start

I wanted to write again
expressing what I can't say
sharing the quirkiest little things in daily life
oh how I miss venting and ranting out

what started as a collection of only my happy days soon be a witness to my daily struggle with life, both the happy days and the crappy days
once in a while, I reread all of my entries, serves as a reminder of how far I have come, how much I have grown and help understand where I am right now and re-enlighten my destination
when I hit rock bottom, it seems to smile and whispers back that I can get thru it simply because I have in the past n I know cos I got the smile back on my face and laughter back in my voice
but of late, things have become too personal to be shared even if I longed to
of late, there are things I wanted some to know but not others
of late it didn't feel free anymore to say wat I really want
when ppl take offense of wat u write and stop talking to you even if wat u write is true anyway
this is no longer my safe heaven
yet I dun wanna stop
so I took a break

I will write again I hope
writing is therapeutic for me
maybe I'll continue writing here
4 yrs and this blog have seen ups and downs of my life
this is home,my sanctuary,my happy place
but i think a change would be good too
in keeping of the reality i'm living
or maybe perhaps writing anonymously would finally give the true freedom in expressing wat really went thru tis lil mind of self
wat u think?

"Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
-Death Cab For Cutie, Soul Meets Body-

hiatus

she is taking a sabbatical

she'll be back when she get back

another day wasted

just like dat...wat a slacker i have become *ketuk diri sndrik*

woke up early for the 830am class where i have to lead the discussions
agak berlari2 anak jugak la takut lambat only to find dat half of the group is still missing in action
not dat i mind, at least i'm not the last one to arrive
cute preceptor..sekali tgk mcm Matt Damon, dua kali tgk mcm Brad Pitt zaman memuda
hoho cuci mata smbil berdiskusi penyakit paru2 hoho

decided to skip lectures n came back for another discussion session later in the afternoon
eat the leftover pasta for brunch while rerunning GG again
no new epi tis week, bummer!

plan to wash hair but then napping center in the brain nudge against desicion making part
short nap wouldn't hurt right?
huh, right! nap la sgt smpai 5 mins to 3 o clock br bukak mata n group discussion at 330pm!
looks like hair washing have to wait til tonite la

no new Grey's tonite *sigh*

making plans for the 'long' weekend
totally skipping tmr morning lectures, prolly go for a visit to Market Mall
Saturday got Marrybrown *halal yo!* picnic n bowling at Chinook
Sunday go tobagoning!!!
bile nk catch up study ni Dalilah oi?!

arrr! set sail on the Seventh Seas y'scallywag!

pirate tongues totally rocks my socks off!
how arrr ya, matey? rums all 'round!!

no thanks to miss nodee n her mister bf n zek juger
now saye pon terikut2 main Mousehunt
adeih, parah la
jap, nk kna blow the horn for the hunt
15 mins wait time is up hehe

later peeps!

i curse the day you were born!

oh i am so pissed off!!
damn you Youtube for suspending all the accounts dat had graciously supplied me with the great Grey's scenes
now all my fav scenes dh kna delete!!! *cries*
stupid infringement rules
i still buy the DVDs ok? original one lagik!
anyone can teach me how i can make short clips from the avi files?

eiiii! Rogers Wireless tak abes2 nk suck ppls money tau!
seb baik x kna MI tgk this month punyer bill
CAD70! My God!
usually about CAD4o per month since tak guna sgt pon, just convenient if you have one
ni seme sbb main sms mase kat States aritu la ni
they charge 60 cent per sms?sms to Calgary number jugak pdhal
bloody expensive!!! tau la roaming tp aritu mase blk mesia roaming jugak, siap calling2 lagi tp x de smpai 70 dolar bill aku!
dh la i check nk upgrade to iPhone smpai CAD400
kalu daftar baru CAD199 jork
diskriminasi okehhhh!!
dh la tak leh break 3 yrs punye contract, nnt kna denda lagi CAD200
mereka2 di mesia, bersyukur la dgn Celcom n Maxis n Digi etc
guna hp kat sini sucks giler!!

moments of heaven on earth

OH.MY.FARKING.GOD!
BEST Grey's episode ever!!!!



no doubt i cried buckets watching this ending

one shouldn't feel for a serial killer who slits his knife thru 5 young woman throat just because he wanted to know how it would felt
but Meredith being all dark and twisty inside decide dat even such person should deserve a little degree of compassion
dat's why she show up at his execution
it's touching to see how scare he was when death is imminent
how he wanted to see at least one face dat isn't filled with hate n rage for wat he had done

and miracle indeed for the little boy
and Bailey, how she crossed the line for this one patient
makes you question yourself, how far would you go for your patient?

the look in Christina face when Derek came knocking at her door telling her Meredith needs her
the moment she realise dat how silly and how long the fight has been dragging on
who r they kidding themselves?
Derek is right, they both need each other to freak about something happening in their life
for her, dating McArmy
so she set aside her pride and be there for her bestfriend when she needed her the most
just what a true friend would do

as for Mcdreamy, i have nothing but admiration and totally CINTA for you!
he didn't get why Meredith went to William execution, heck he loathes William's ilk but he showed up outside of prison for her
and when he knows he can't be everything for her
he went to get the one person Meredith need, her best friend
now, dat's a keeper

reminds me of one person who did the same thing for me once
to this person, just know i really appreciate wat u did
altough i rarely shows such appreciation of those little things you ever shows me

i leave you with my fav quote from the episode

Meredith: "I know it feels wrong, it feels wrong on so many levels I can't even count them but there are no case in any medical books that tells you how to deal with this kind of situation"

positive reinforcement

i had a good feeling when i finally hand in the papers
well maybe a bit guilty for using only one third of the allocated time
but the prev experience hold me back
i mean, anything could happen rite?

so, i keyed in the lock
the one sheet i dread n anxious to see wat's printed on it
one glance and dat relieved smile slowly creep up my tiny mouth
spreading it into a huge grin of self satisfaction
heart leap in joy, tears brimming the eye
a small victory, a huge meaning

i finally think i can do this
i finally believe i can make it through

you know you love me

finally finished my Gossip Girl marathon
up till the latest episode yo!
now i'm hooked
seronot jugak tgk upper east side berbitching2 ini

pity them
they have all the money in the world
tp hidup tunggang langgang giler
oh well, u can't have everything in life kan?

till then, XOXO

serves you right

you have no one else to blame n be mad at except yourself
i didn't rob you of your chances, you yourself gladly took it all away

i hate you for making me feel guilty when i really shouldn't
i hate it you know me so well, you just know which button to push

you have no right to dictate how i should live my life
you denied yourself dat right when you choose to walk out of my life

you know it yourself
but you couldn't help feeling the way you feel right now, dun u?
consider it the price u have to pay
n if it makes u feel better, know dat i pay a higher price
i always do, still do...

reach out the hand

first day of school

and i'm already ponteng lalalala
so much for starting anew n putting extra effort considering tis next 2 course not a strong suit for me
but heck, it's just introductory lectures n the sucky ADT exam is now online for a month
how cool is dat? online exam dat's open for a month, with no invigilating wat so ever...Dr Wiki la pe lagi haha

so anyhu...am still throwing away precious time watching the upper east side of Manhattan berbitchy2 sesame sendrik

tetiba saya rase nk ade bucket list of my own
mcm menarik kan?
list of things i wanna do before i die
since u dun know when u actually gonna die, u be more looking forward to complete each dream/task/fill in ur blanks
just so when u look back, u actually do things u wanna do....sort of reminder

first one on the list - new year countdown at NY Times Square being kissed silly by the love of my life. Winter in NY can be as unforgiving as Canada so must have him warm me up plus i need protection from the drunken n high crushing seas of human *note to self - ni nk kna ade HIM dulu br boley achieve*

second one would be bungee jumping!
the higher the better <-- adrenaline junkie
more on the list would be more adrenaline pumping activities - white river rafting, yg jump from the plane tu org panggil ape ek? yes...skydiving~
oh saya sgt teruja with the ideas!

before i forgot, europe tour is definitely on the list

and yes, i wanna work for Doctors Without Borders if i get the chance

wat else? ran out of idea
more like mls nk pikir dh sbb nk smbg tgk XOXO haha
but keep tuned in, the list will be updated from time to time
mayb when i got the time i'll put it up on the side bar

oh yeah, i won't be doing it in dat order...when the opportunity arise, i'll go for it =)

the extra day

i should really
1. be doing my laundry
2. unpack my bags n clean up my room
3. prepare for the new semester dat starts tomorow -ala, dh nk skolah blk ker? -

instead i am
1. curling up in my duvet *kasi can la weih, lps rindu 2 minggu tak tido with my pinky hearts*
2. trying to finish up Eclipse, the 3rd installation of Twilight saga, quarter more to go since i started yesterday on the plane enroute back
3. while running the Gossip Girl back to back from the very first episode of the first season to the current episode of the current season...not much, just about almost to 40 episode with 1 hr per episode, there goes 40 hrs of my life membazir ke jln kelaghaan...bet the devils are njoying themselves to the max knowing this

time to go home...

never thought i would missed seeing the white blanket of snow
after 2 weeks of sun n occasional rain n freedom from winter wear bundle
it almost welcoming to be back to the cold, unforgiving Calgary
maybe tis place is becoming more of a home now

but yeah, i miss my pinky hearts duvet
n Missy Moo n Belle
they must be excited to add Baby Sham as their partner in crime

but a break from all things familiar n routine is always good
an escapism
gives you the chance to miss things you've taken for granted, doesn't?

swipe away

oh i so wanted dat BOSE dock for my iTouch
n dat half price FCUK sweater
n another 2 or 3 Coach bag
n dat lovely Marciano dress dat is 60% off
n dat bright red Banana Rebuplic peacoat in my size dat's half price for the day
wat a pity dat CK jeans doesn't come in my size or the USD20 Guess jeans

everything is soooooooo fucking cheap!!!!
n soooo many choices i go very rambang mata just thinking about it
oh why la u have to max out today my darling?
so spoil the mood to go explore the whole mall
bleeding heart weyh kalu jumpe brg berkenan di hati tp x leh beli sbb x de immediate available funds

i am so coming back to settle tis unfinished business
no need to be Vegas
any other US city with a huge outlet mall would be ok
n let's hope by dat time CAD stronger than USD
totally gonna make sure my magic card is fully functional with lots n lots of credits
anyone wanna join?

the rebel in me

who's to say when the new year starts eh?
live according to ur rules...much much better!

many takes it a good time to start fresh
resolutions, achievements to go after, disappointments to leave behind
perhaps perhaps perhaps

as for me, last year promise was gloriously broken
and stay broken, not even bothering to even try fixing it
wat a sore loser, can't even keep my own promise to meself
regret? i have learn trying not to have them

wat's next in store?
i have no idea nor expectation
just going with the flow
que sera sera wat ever will be will be lah

oh, to 2009 may i propose a toast of welcome
*glass clicking*